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Unconditional Love vs Marriage
The conventional marriage is quite possibly the worst way to show someone you love them.
Unconditional love makes marriage look primitive and restrictive in comparison. If the people getting married really loved each other that much, there’d be no need whatsoever to promise to stay together. They just would – because they want to. What more do you need?
Something along the lines of polyamory is a more ideal situation, even if you don’t find more than one person to be with. It’s the thought that counts – letting people be free, and not thinking you have some kind of right to demand that they not look at, talk to, hang out with or go out with anyone else.
If people get married and then years later realize they’re miserable together… there’s no point whatsoever in staying together anyway just ’cause they promised they would. I don’t think that’s “noble” or “courageous”… it’s cowardly. And mean. ‘Cause they’d probably both be happier and better off if they split up.
So, my conclusion is that marriage is unnecessary, but I am not totally opposed to the idea as a concept. It’s just been about as badly abused as the word “love” has. There is nothing wrong with two (or more!) people promising each other that they’re gonna stay together no matter what, as long as they were going to do that anyway and are not using the promise to force themselves to keep at it if they fear that someday they may change their minds and not want to anymore.
By SR
Topics: Uncategorized | 15 Comments »
May 9th, 2009 at 4:13 AM
According to my oppinion love is charecterised by an element of responsibility, accountability and settlement in love to me is key. We need to cultivate a culture of a responsible nation,it is irrisponsible to choose the eazy way of living because love is two-way, normally if something is not going right with the relationship the problem is between the two someone is not prepared to take responsibility or accountability for thier mistakes.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:20 PM
I,too feel the same as what has been written about “Unconditional love”.In my view,Sex,however passionate it may be among couples,will seem to be,kind of a futile thing,if there lies no sense of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,although they might firmly claim that they possess LOVE between them…but,then,today,in the scenario of this utmost recession and,if I am not wrong,99% of the people,being interested about all the material pursuits of the world,perhaps,the concept of unconditional love has taken a backseat..still,I would urge all the couples,to try to LOVE unconditionally since,it’s something that gives us,purely,ETERNAL BLISS..LIFE IS ONE,Buddies…PLEASE LOVE ONCE AND LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY
June 4th, 2009 at 9:41 AM
Sometimes people are not happy together but stick it out anyway for whatever reason. (Maybe because of the “promise” they made.) Once they weather the storm, they find that not only has their love returned but it has grown beyond anything they could have foreseen. Don’t look down on the Sacrament of Marriage. True unconditional love is impossible without the help of God. Try being completely selfless for a day and you’ll see what I mean. Love means I put you before my own “happiness”.
January 16th, 2010 at 1:49 AM
Very well thought out. I needed to read that, along with the other things you’ve posted. Merci.
March 8th, 2010 at 11:45 AM
sadie i totally agree with you. i also believe that “sex” is what keeps us from finding love. because we think that we are in love when really its just lust. and sooner or later it will get old and boring and youll want something/someone new.
March 20th, 2010 at 1:06 PM
i don’t know much..but i wud say that unconditional love comes naturally.u can’t force it..u have to love the person so much that nothing matters…wether he is good or bad..right or wrong…maybe u know he is wrong but that doesnot change ur feelings caz u have stopped judging him/her and his/her acts are not as important than he or she herself.The other person becomes the centre of ur world ….u start enjoying loving without expecting.Yaa,ur love take the spiritual flavour which gives u immense joy..TRY IT OUT!!!
March 29th, 2010 at 8:27 PM
Wait. Didn’t you just say unconditional love comes from “loving someone no matter what?” Despite their changes? Isn’t this kind of contradictory then? Because the whole idea of marriage has a spiritual aspect to itself. It requires two people to realize their weaknesses and strengths and build a sense of trust between each other. In essence, marriage is the ultimate intimate relationship which springs from the unconditional love, and loving someone no matter how much they change.
So, I don’t know where you get this idea that polygamy is a better alternative, because it’s not. In fact it’s entirely opposite. It’s hard enough to deal with one woman let alone three to a dozen people you are supposedly “attracted” to. that would lead us down the road of shallowness, and shall I say, NOT conditional love? Looks like you’ve got some reasoning to do. ;)!
March 30th, 2010 at 11:52 AM
@GinMoo:
In theory, this is true. However, in practice it seems to rarely work out that way. It can be done right though, but like I said, if it was done right there would technically be no need to use legal promises and whatnot to try to “encourage” (force) the couple to stay together. Not that it isn’t nice to make a promise like that, but marriage in its current state has probably caused more harm than good in the world due to misuse.
I said nothing about polygamy. I was talking about polyAMORY, which is totally different. Wikipedia has a good section about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
Some people can apparently love everyone unconditionally… I haven’t managed to do that yet. But if you do happen to love more than one person unconditionally, I think it would be wrong to try to restrict yourself from showing affection to more than one of them. That of course doesn’t necessarily mean sex, but I suppose it could if you wanted it to. *shrug*
And yeah, multiple relationships would never work for an introvert like me (not saying it wouldn’t work for other introverts, though). I’d rather get to know all the intricate little details of one person rather than knowing more people less intimately than that… but people are different, and I suppose some people would be more into that than I would be.
Also, “attraction” is somewhat pointless. Everyone will get old and wrinkly eventually anyway, so why bother? :)
May 14th, 2010 at 6:44 PM
Hold on mr im confused? In the waste of time blog you said that person b wan an idiot because ofhis negative thinking, some couples like to get married because its maybe a tradition? maybe they went through something really rough together and realised they want to be classed as family legaly? Maybe therrs a kid on the way and they want to be married before. I dont think marrige is cowardly what so ever! I think its two people standing in front of everyone they know and making them all see how much there other half means to them. Even if u are not married, promises are always made, just wothout the ring. And even if a marrige fails, they loved them at one point, and wernt afraid to show it!
July 20th, 2010 at 2:50 PM
I fell in love with a lady over the last year, gave her a promise ring on New Years eve. Since then she says she loves me but goes out with someone 25 yrs her elder because he pays her rent, and bills. Yet she continues to say she loves me. This man sits down the block and watches her house, has a list of all vehicles that stop. Plate type make color and owners ID. She picked out an engagement ring one day then for the next week I wasnt able to see her because he rented her the apartment we looked at and were going to get. She wouldnot let me stop by because he paid for it and wanted to move her. She said well why not let him move me as that way we did not have to do the work.
She has since sent me home because she made plans to go gambling or ball games with him. Is that love??????????? No that is using him as a sugar daddy or what. I knew she was doing that and it made no diffence to her even when I told her I didnt want her to be with him. I do really LOVE her but stopped counting at 35 times she stood me up to be with him to spend money he gave her to gamble. I think I should run while still sane and forget my properety I had in apt. What do you say? or suggest????
July 20th, 2010 at 3:23 PM
@Keith – I can’t really give you advice because I’m not entirely sure what’s going on there. Apartment? You two live together? You can’t tell people what to do, though, if what she’s doing is a mistake, she’ll probably figure that out at some point. It doesn’t sound like she’s being very responsible, with the gambling and all that. I’m not sure what you mean by “run while still sane”?
July 20th, 2010 at 3:36 PM
We live sepretly now. Last Friday she asked me to start to move my property into the apartment we looked at together and were going to get together. But she all of a sudden had all the money to rent it. Did so and moved in. The 80 yr old rented it for her, he wanted to move her in so she let him and told me she needed space from everyone. I then found out he moved her in as I honored her request to stay away. He then spent the week with her taking her to the Casino and paid for everything and gave her spending money. I had given up my apt. to move in with her. Only to find out she expected me to leave everytime he wanted to come over to see her which has been everyday since the move. Now I am out my apartment and furniture.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:39 PM
I have not heard from her, seen her or anything since she told me to leave Sat. as the 80 yr. old was coming over to take her to the Twins game. She is 55, her father is less than 80 just so you know.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:50 PM
@Keith – Ah, that makes sense now. Well, sort of. What she’s doing doesn’t make sense. To be honest, the guy’s age is irrelevant. What’s relevant is the fact that she’s really messing you about. That’s not fair and quite frankly really irresponsible of her. If you can’t trust her then you should probably try to get your stuff back and live on your own again. That doesn’t mean you should try to get rid of your feelings for her, though, because that could quite possibly drive you even more insane. Just accept your feelings for what they are, but do the practical thing and don’t live with her if she’s gonna be like that.
July 20th, 2010 at 5:47 PM
Thank you. That is what I thought but wanted another opionon